As today is one of the few days when your opinion actually matters to and for other people it’s important that you take advantage of it. It’s also one of the reasons why I’ll not be asserting my own with the same amount of zeal you may be used to. Today, I’m going to keep them to myself for the most part. There are however a few exceptions. For example, if you happen to live in Michigan you have the opportunity to vote on two separate proposals. One to legalize marijuana for medicinal use, and another allowing for stem cell research. They are, not surprisingly, named proposals one and two respectively.
Regarding proposal two, I encourage everyone to read the wording carefully. I think you may find the decision is much less of a moral grey area than you may have originally thought. Although my own feelings on it have not changed, I know of at least a few people who have been, up until today, admittedly misinformed, and who found the decision much easier to make than they’d thought they would.
That’s all for now, but I’m actually receiving live updates from CNN intravenously now, so there will probably be new posts coming frequently today, so be sure to check back.
Granted, that title comes on a little strong, but it is certainly not as inflammatory as was Part III: Your Religion is Gay. Part I and Part II are not necessary, but they do help to explain a lot of the crazy rambling I tend to weave into my posts.
So when we left off, I was letting somebody tell you all about how your religion is gay. Because I would never tell you something like that. I was taught that there are two things that one just doesn’t discuss; religion, and politics.
I think that’s sort of a stupid thing to say. Because those are the two topics that tend to affect people regardless of whether or not they feel like talking about them. Cancer is something that also fits that description. Coincidence? Probably. Worth discussing ad nauseum anyways? Why not!
So my whole reason for starting this series was to talk about a bunch of rumors that some girl was sending to all of her friends on MySpace. I wouldn’t call what I’m trying to do “debunking,” exactly. In some cases it’s more like I’m trying to discourage those rumors by showing that the number of facts one must disregard to make their truthfulness possible renders such a scenario very unlikely. In other cases, I’m really not doing anything other than laughing at it, because to do anything else would give it credibility that it just doesn’t deserve. In still other cases, I’ll go into detail about how the dumb MySpace girl clearly just misunderstood the quoted material, or the English language in general, or how humans communicate altogether.
So let’s go!
Actual verified quotes from Barack Obama speeches and interviews:
I very much doubt that any of these quotes were double checked as the author of the message suggests they were. But I suppose it’s possible.
“You know, my faith is one that admits some doubt.”
“All people of faith –Christians, Jews, Muslims, animists, everyone– know the same God.”
“I believe there are many paths to the same place.”
(These are not beliefs of a real Christian)
You are an idiot. I hate to keep falling back on that, but sometimes I am just at a loss for words. First, Christians, Jews, and Muslims do believe in the same god. They are all Abrahamic religions. They are religions predicated upon belief in the God of Abraham. So if you are such a “real Christian”, why don’t you tell me who Abraham’s God was? What’s that? I can’t fucking hear you over the sound of these facts punching your stupid face in. The answer is: GOD. With a capital G. It doesn’t even fucking matter to me but come on, you Christians are so keen on that WWJD business right? Well, far be it for an Atheist to suggest What Jesus Would Do, but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t leave his fucking brain on the shelf collecting dust along with his Bible.
And yes, I am aware that I’ve done a poor job of masking my bitterness with religion. But I’d like to point out, that my problem isn’t with people of faith, some of my best friends are Christians*. My problem is with people who use their faith to justify abuse. Or people who use their faith as a metric of humanity. Or people who use their faith as a weapon, or a tool, or manual for fucking life. But that’s another topic for another time.
*This is usually what racists say to defend racist behavior, i.e. “Some of my best friends are black/gay/etc.” But in all seriousness, everyone in my family, including my wife, is Christian, and I get along with them just fine.
“We are no longer a Christian nation; we are now a nation of Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists.”
(Our forefathers fought and died for our right to be a Christian nation)
I could’ve included this in with the above except for the gross distortion of facts by MG (formerly MySpace Girl). First, my forefathers emmigrated from Ireland and Wales in the 1800s. Second, exactly two of my forefathers have fought in any type of armed conflict, and none died. Third, neither of the wars in which they fought had anything to do with your right to do anything other than continue to live, and even then only if you are an archduke or a jew. So fuck off with your sentimentality and your false patriotic bullshit. It is an obvious attempt to stir up emotion in the same idiotic audience that is given to debates about whether or not wearing flag shaped lapel pins mean someone loves America.
Ridiculing Jesus own words in the Bible:
No it’s not. See below.
“The Sermon on the Mount, a passage that is so radical that its doubtful even our own Defense department would survive its application.”
(Sounds like Rev Wright?)
No it doesn’t. Reverend Wright said things like “God Bless America? God Damn America.” The two are hardly even similar. Also, you’ve completely missed the point of this statement (this becomes a recurring theme). He was giving a discussion, at a church, about religion’s place in a modern pluralistic society. Since I know you don’t understand what I just said, it means that he talked about how big a role religion, of any orientation, should play in a society where not everyone even believes in god. He was talking about ways that people like me could feel secure in a world dominated by people like you. He was talking about maintaining a country wherein you can still have your religion, and I can still refuse to believe it, and we can coexist peacefully. But you didn’t watch the video, or you would know that.
Well, I have watched it, and so can you, because here it is:
That’s only the first of five parts, because I’m not going to post five different videos in the middle of this article. You can find the rest on YouTube. They’re all there.
The point he was trying to make was that it might not be the best idea to take the Bible so literally. You can find the hilarious results of refusing to heed that advice here. The point he was trying to make is that there are a number of examples of biblical guidelines that do not hold up to modern day standards. You know what, I had more stuff planned for this, and then I read a comment to this very same video on YouTube that sums it up perfectly.
I read the transcript of this speech so as to get a full contextual and unbias opinion of it and found that as a Christian there is nothing offense about it.
The crux of what he’s saying is to stand up for what you believe in and be aware that anything taken to the extreme becomes error.
Finding balance & commonality is the key to life and there’s nothing offensive about that.
Even with the spelling errors, the YouTube commenter is smarter than the MySpace Girl. So there you go.
This is really getting old. I am getting so sick of trying to keep up with the new ways that people can find to be narrow minded.
To be totally honest, I was thinking about just abandoning this series until I talked to someone last night who told me that she is “scared” that Obama will win.
Scared. That was the word she used. I tried to explain to her that there is absolutely no reason to fear either candidate, since Presidents typically don’t have enough power to do any real damage, except of course for the one we have now. So if she can make it through eight years of warmongering and weakening of the constitution and consolidation of power in the executive branch, that universal health care and a renewed interest in diplomacy as problem solving tool is really going to be a cakewalk. But she insisted that her sister had, “read his website,” and that, “some of the stuff on there…I don’t know.” Not exactly a McCain endorsement is it?
And that’s what it’s come to. Vote for McCain because how sure can you really be about Obama? That’s their platform. That’s it. So here’s my reply.
You can’t trust Obama. You can’t trust him any more than you can trust anyone else who isn’t you. You can’t trust him anymore than anyone else running for president. He says things that may or may not be true, but so does everybody else, but the odds that you are a human lie detector are relatively low. So you can believe him if you want to or not. But if you don’t believe him, at least, own up to the fact that you are basing that distrust on nothing. Don’t blame it on what your sister read, or what you saw on Fox news. Blame it on the fact that you trust old white war veterans more than you trust young black community leaders, for whatever reason. Maybe you’re a racist. Maybe you think he’s too young Maybe his middle name scares you. Maybe his last name scares you. Maybe you don’t like his friends, or his church, or his pastor. Maybe you don’t like people that live in his neighborhood. Maybe you don’t like him because he used to smoke, or because he hasn’t fought in a war. Just don’t pretend that any of your bullshit is predicated on logic. Because it isn’t and because that is my fucking territory. So don’t you god damn dare make totally baseless assumptions and call them logic, or facts, or reason.
Under the crushing weight of the knowledge that no less than six people have happened upon this site, I feel compelled to say a few things pertaining to credibility. I am not a journalist, or even a gifted writer, but none of that matters. Why? Because I just typed it, and now it is on the internet, perhaps, even in wikipedia. No, the point is that as a “not a journalist” I enjoy unfettered access to reality. I am not bound by journalistic ethics. I am sorry to say that this is a freedom which I seem to share with more and more actual journalists these days.
I am not likely to receive criticism from my peers, colleague, or contemporaries inasmuch as I can string together a cogent sentence to avoid the mockery that can, and should, come with the inability to do so.(<–This deserves criticism)
Nor am I likely to receive criticism if I choose to skew facts to the benefit of my personal beliefs. Whether or not this is as it should be is debatable, but I am not compelled by some fraternal rule to avoid doing so.
I am compelled to avoid the aforementioned fact-skew because I detest people who refuse to see flaw in their own argument. If an argument cannot stand on its own merits then it deserves to fall, in a crippled, jiggly mess.
I try my very best to be fair regarding the opinions of others. With one condition, that it is their opinion, not something they heard on the news and simply regurgitated because they were too lazy to make up their own mind. This goes double for anyone who watches Fox News, or reads The Huffington Post. I know that there isn’t a direct comparison to be made between the two, but I know of no left wing television counterpart for Fox News. Anyone who watches Fox News is undoubtedly now thinking to themselves, “God, this guy is just an extension of the national liberal media.” To them I say, “Shut your fucking noise hole.” You don’t get to talk here, unless you come up with something original. Explain to me why you are convinced that I am so in the tank for the left that I am unwilling to be swayed by a compelling argument. Go ahead, do it! I can’t hear you because this is not a telephone, also it is not a dump truck, or so I’ve been told. It is a one way conversation, unless you’d like to leave a comment.
So anyways, the reason why I didn’t compare Fox to CNN is because they simply are not the same, even considering the number of programming hours devoted to editorial programs like Bill O’Reilly’s horrible noise machine. And I don’t even want to hear about how Hannity and Colmes is a balanced representation of both the conservative and liberal viewpoints. Imagine for a moment that it was called Republican GodzillaTank vs. Retarded Democrat Puppy. You would likely not notice much of a difference. Fox news found absolutely the most inept democrat in the land, they denied him food for months so that he looked like a skeleton with skin stretched over it, and then put him behind the desk. It’s not even fucking close. Hannity, for as much as I loathe him, is the noisiest person in every room, including the one in which I am now sitting. And he’s not even in here. That’s how loud he is. His volume eclipses my own even given the seven hundred or so miles between us. This was going to be a podcast, but all you can hear is fucking Hannity.
And for the record, I can’t stand Lou Dobbs or Chris Matthews either.
Anyway, all I’m saying is even if I disagree with you, I won’t insult your intelligence unless you try parroting some ridiculous talking point. Actual opinions are welcome.
So Hillary Clinton is apparently very much like that crazy girlfriend you had that insisted the two of you were soul mates. I wonder if she realizes yet that she was wrong. It’s possible. But maybe it took her four months and several state primary defeats to realize the truth.
What truth you ask? Why, the truth about math! Here’s the thing. Math is not just fundamental, it is also heart wrenchingly honest. Especially when it comes to the nigh impossibility of certain presidential candidates receiving the nomination of a certain political party. (Hillary, and Democratic. This is fun.) The numbers are simply very much against her at the moment.
The key here is at the moment. However, it is a key to nothing. It opens no doors, or locks which were designed to deny access to opportunity or riches. It sits there, mocking you, rapt in the hilarity of knowing that there is virtually no chance that you will ever throw it away, despite its uselessness. It is also the crux of Hillary’s new campaign strategy. I say strategy only because there is no concise or polite way to describe the self involved, spiteful, “If I can’t have it, no one will” mentality that forms the dark heart of the Clinton campaign monstrosity. See? Neither concise nor polite.
Clinton’s people have said she’s in it for the long haul, or some such. They have also outlined her path to victory, right down to when, where and which butterfly must flap its wings in order to set into motion the tremendous and unlikely chain of events that must take place in precisely the proper fashion in order for her to gain the nomination. It’s really quite amazing actually. It involves time travel and the discovery of the lost continent of Atlantis by a small fishing vessel. It’s unclear whether or not the Atlantians will receive any delegates, or indeed even still exist in any way that would render them eligible for voting. But one assumes they must if the numbers are to sway in Clinton’s favor.
Wow, that was a long walk. But I think it illustrates two very important points. First, that I am very silly, and second, Hillary Clinton won’t win. Yes, I know, she could win. But she could win in the same way that I could win at a Vegas casino. I won’t and if I don’t just accept that fact and move on there will be a lot of bad trouble and probably a dead hooker or two. I had planned to continue running this idea into the ground, but there really isn’t any need for that is there?
But despite my advice she continues, maybe because she hasn’t read this post, but probably she’s convinced that if Barack Obama somehow fucks everything all up, like, I don’t know, let’s say he was a secret Muslim all along, let’s say he lied to us and it breaks our heart. Well, if that happens Hillary wants to be there to catch us on the rebound, and that’s just downright embarrassing.
One last thing. About her Senior political strategist, Kiki McClain. I hate her so much. She’s on every fucking show on CNN just yammering on about things. It’s like listening to my wife when we’re arguing. It doesn’t make any sense to sane people why she keeps bringing up things that other people did wrong. But she is vindictive and spiteful, and she just keeps talking at whoever will listen. I hate you Kiki McClain and I probably spelled your name wrong, but I don’t care. Because you deserve so much worse… and your pantsuit makes you look like a lesbian.
Seriously, she may be the only woman I’ve ever wanted to just haul off and punch in the face… perhaps to death.
Oh man, if anyone ever visited this site there would be the off chance that someone might be upset by how misleading my title is. Because do you know what, um, you don’t know about Barack Obama? He is awesome!
Ok, but not for the reasons you think. Well, maybe those too, but the reason I’m saying it now is because I’ve managed to get through a good deal of “The Audacity of Hope”. Because I am lazy, I am not actually reading it, but instead listening to the audiobook on my iPod, right now! Dictated in the super sexy dulcet tones of the author himself.
So here it is, I’m throwing down the gauntlet for anyone who wants to pick it up. For anyone who actually believes that he doesn’t have the experience to be president, I dare you, read (or listen) to this book, and then keep a straight face while you tell me how Barack Obama doesn’t have what it takes to run this country better than that gibbering moron who’s been doing it the last eight years. Do it, I dare you. You can’t. I wouldn’t believe you if you did. If you can find me one person who can, I’ll eat my fucking hat!
Alright, that may have been overdoing it a bit. I am not willing to hold true to that bet only because there are morons and liars out there who could easily be too stupid or soulless to bat an eye while making such a wholly ridiculous assertion. Also I like my hat.
Go read this book. If only to lend credibility to your belief that you were right about Ron Paul’s awesomeness and that all the Obama fans on Digg are just “moonbats” or “sheeple” or whatever the hell you call them. I wouldn’t bet on it though…jerk.
That’s it. Go Obama! It’s time for change we can something something and whatever, let’s hug!
What is this experience everyone keeps saying that Hillary Clinton has? She was married to the President for eight years. Then she was a Senator. I know she did stuff before that, but it sounds a lot like that’s the time frame being referred to, and that doesn’t make for a very impressive resume. Let’s face it, what this means is that she’s been a Senator for eight years, and that’s it. No I don’t count her time as First Lady as applicable experience. Why? Two reasons.
First, I am a programmer by trade. Go ahead and ask my wife to explain the differences between a pointer and a reference. Go on, do it. I dare you. You might get slapped, because my wife is crazy. Just like all wives are crazy. I’m obviously joking about this last thing. Or am I? Yes I am. Anyways the point is, she wouldn’t have the first fucking clue about anything that had something to do with programming. Guess why. Because she isn’t a fucking programmer. Even given her vicarious experiences programming “through” me, she still doesn’t know how to be a programmer.
Assuming that my first point was not good enough (it is) or for some reason just didn’t display properly on your computer screen (it did, don’t lie, Jesus hates that), here is another bulletproof argument for not counting that time as Presidential experience.
Just meeting foreign heads of state through your husband doesn’t mean shit. You know what, I can’t stand any of my friends wives. Seriously, I don’t like them. Why is not really as relevant as the fact that the qualities I dislike are not unique to them. My own wife possesses many of those same qualities. But she is my wife, so it doesn’t bother me. But I’m sure most of my friends don’t like my wife any more than I like theirs. So what’s to say other countries heads of state wouldn’t feel the same way. Let me tell you, if I was any one of them, and one of my friends wives took control of the US, I would nuke the holy shit out of that place… oh man, it would be a massacre. I’m just saying, don’t vote for my friends wives.
It’s entirely possible that I got a little sidetracked at the end there. But let’s just call it a day shall we? Good.
It’s become fairly obvious that the volume with which news is delivered directly correlates to how thoroughly it is enjoyed by viewers. Why else would a godless mutant like Bill O’Reilly be watched in so many households? His broad, consistently offensive generalizations of minorities? His hyper-aggressive, borderline psychotic style as an interviewer? No. It can only be the fact that his stupidly loud voice nearly punches you in face every night from across the room. There is simply no other explanation.
Hence this site. Abundant political commentary and some news replete with obnoxious snark and witless sarcasm and DELIVERED IN ALL CAPS!* Because that is the very loudest way that it can be typed.
*Figuratively of course, because everyone hates people who type in all caps.
